Your Education is not My Obligation

There's a common misconception out there that it is okay to direct all questions and concerns about an oppressed group, as a whole, to one individual who identifies with that group—

It's not okay.

Let's take my identity as a Black individual.

I might be your "token black friend" (that shouldn't be a thing to begin with), but I am not your walking, talking, breathing encyclopedia on everything Black. Sure, I'll have a conversation about my experience as an Black American, but I cannot speak on behalf of the entire race. I cannot, do not, and will not generalize my personal experience to explain my entire race, because my identity is mine and not anyone else's. I am black. Yes. I am also a cisgender woman. I grew up in a suburban middle-class environment. I was raised by my married parents, both of whom have Master's Degrees, and jobs with good benefits. Think about all the ways that those could be different, and understand that each combination of varying identities is what keeps me from generalizing my experience. My blackness might stand out the most to you, but it is not all of me, nor is it all of someone else. Each identity plays a role in making us unique, and I will not ever deny this. Before you ask me about what it is like to be black, in any capacity, be aware that I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO EXPLAIN MY BLACKNESS TO YOU, and my answer is not generalizable.

"Well, why aren't you willing to talk about your racial identity if you keep preaching about the role of education in changing society?"

As stated, I'll talk about it. But when you ask me what life was like for "us" during the Civil Rights Movement, I'm going to tell you that I have no idea. Because I was born in the 90s, not the 60s. Sorry. That’s what Google is for. That's what textbooks (kind of) are for. If you want to learn about Black history, be my guest. Just don't rely on me as your only source of information. I cannot give you an all-encompassing answer, even if I want to. In the case that I do find myself having an deep, intellectual, probably heavily opinionated conversation with you about current race relations or any aspect of systemic oppression, don't expect me to sugar coat it or "white wash" it just to make you feel better. I'm going to tell you how I feel. I'm going to say things you don't like. You either have to be willing to suck it up and take it, or figure out whose side you're really on.

So here's a thing that's really making me feel some type of way—

Constantly having to explain myself and my actions or thoughts, or what my black peers are doing/saying, can be exhausting, overwhelming, even impossible sometimes. You constantly asking me questions or expecting me to clarify something about my culture is insinuating that my black skin—which I cannot take off or escape—is nothing more than an all-access pass for you to validate your "wokeness". My black body is in a state of constant vulnerability where I cannot be sure at any point that I am completely safe and free to live and express myself how I see fit. You asking me, "can I touch your hair?" or "where are your people from?" or "yeah, but don't all lives matter?" confirms my fears and frustrations. I am never free from my skin, safe from my own black body. It's hard to articulate what it is really like to be physically/emotionally exhausted from just existing. Every day that I leave my home, my haven, my sanctuary, I know that I'm stepping into a world that ultimately does not accept me because of my biological composition. I hope you can let that sink in. I have already lived a good portion of my life in discomfort or genuine confusion about why I don't belong, why I get side glances or "special" treatment, why people only kind of speak their mind around me. And there's no other way to explain how I feel about it than to say: I'm tired. I'm tired of being ashamed and fearful. I'm tired of catering to your needs so that you can stay comfortable, so that your values are never questioned. I'm tired of being hyper-vigilant about everything I say, because any wrong word out of my mouth, or any action that doesn't please you, could very well be my last. I'm tired of my black body being constantly abused and contorted just to satisfy your privileges. I ' M  T I R E D.

If you're not willing to step into my skin (shoes can be removed; skin, well, that's a tighter fit) and feel that discomfort and challenge, to question your identity and values, to change how you eat, sleep, and breathe, then don't say you're willing to learn, to take action, to "right the wrongs of history". Your apologetic guilt will never make up for the centuries of oppression and abuse that defines my heritage, my history. It takes more than marching with us on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It takes more than just saying, "Black Lives Matter" and "No Justice, No Peace". It takes more than sharing another viral video and labeling it with a fatal hashtag. I'm not saying I don't want your help in this fight. I'm saying find a different way. Don't leave me in a position of constant defense and using my thick skin to absorb the harsh, cutting words in the world around me. Stand up for me when I'm not there. Ask questions that make you uncomfortable, address the elephant in the room, under whose weight I have been trying to hold my ground. Put yourself in a position of vulnerability and self-sacrifice so that we can grow together. Don't selectively join the fight. Be all in.

This is just one of my perspectives. It does not address my full identity. I chose to go down this avenue because of how salient my Black identity is to me, but also how clear it is for you. I hope you can recognize that the pursuit of social justice is about acknowledging the many, many different perspectives that comprise the oppressed identities. I hope when you reach a point, like me, when you are all in, that you recognize or privileges. Use those privileges to bring others up with you. Acknowledge the discomfort, unhappiness, and even guilt that come with the privilege of not being oppressed in that way. Challenge the norms that hold us back from progress. Fight the systems that are outdated and wrong. Join the movement to help us take back our bodies, minds, and voices.

Educate; Inspire; Motivate yourself to be the change you wish to see.